Nobody likes to be told what to do

Today I will enter someone elses writing: quotes from Gordon Livingston's book "Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart" (now isn't that a great book title!)

Gordon Livingston is a psychiatrist who has counselled many over the years, and has lost two sons: one to suicide, one to leuchemia. In this book he sort of summarizes the life lessons he has learned through a long practice. The book contains 30 short chapters, each with a pithy title: the parts I will quote are at the very start and end of chapter 23, "Nobody likes to be told what to do":

"It seems too obvious to mention, and yet look how much that passes for intimate communication involves admonitions and instructions. I sometimes ask patients of balky children to keep track of the percentage of their interactions that consist of criticism and directions (the latter being a variation of the former). I'm used to hearing numbers like eighty to ninety percent. Sometimes, not surprisingly, communication between the parents themselves yield similar figures.
How are we inclined to react when told what to do? For most of us, resentment progressing to obstinacy is the most common response. Whether our refusal is overt ('Not going to do it') or passive-agressive ('I forgot'), the result is commonly frustration all around."
...

"Too often, in our efforts to be good teachers, all we transmit is our anxiety, uncertainty, and fear of failure.
The primary goal of parenting, beyond keeping our children safe and loved, is to convey to them a sense that it is possible to be happy in an uncertain world, to give them hope. We do this, of course, by example more than by anything we say to them. If we can demonstrate in our own lives qualities of commitment, determination, and optimism, then we have done our job and can use our books of child-rearing advice for doorstops or fireplace fuel. What we cannot do is expect that children who are constantly criticized, bullied, and lectured will think well of themselves and their future."

Straight to the heart!


Link to the book on Amazon UK:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Too-Soon-Old-Late-Smart/dp/1569243735/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1231969630&sr=1-2

/Kris C